The 11 Rules for Getting Revenge

Last night while replying back and forth on a post with @chrisrice I mentioned rule #5 of revenge. This of course would logically mean there are other rules of revenge. @chrisrice walked up to that opening, stood there and blinked a few times and said, "Nope! Not gonna ask." @chrisrice then walked away from that dangling detail like a boss.

That's just as well. I thought I would have been able to send an internet link to @chrisrice of all the rules but it turns out there would have been a slight problem with doing that.

I know all the rules of revenge but it seems I haven't been to the official site for quite some time since I had mastered the website's material. I looked all over the internet using several search engines but the list of revenge rules seemed to have disappeared.

Luckily the Wayback Machine had captured the website.


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I understand that a website such as being defunct isn't a very strong "fair use" defense legally but I think in this case I should take a calculated risk. I believe that having this information more easily available to those who want it is better for society as a whole. How to effectively get revenge isn't something taught in public schools. Most people botch their plans when attempts are made and in the worst cases acts of poorly executed revenge wind up being reported by the news wasting everyone's time and attention.

Anyway, here are the 11 rules for getting revenge that used to be on

  1. Get mad....then get even. It's justice, plain and simple.

  2. Revenge is healthy. Don't listen to those mealymouths who tell you otherwise. You're teaching people to behave better. At the same time you're getting icky poisonous feelings out of your system once and for all. What could be healthier?

  3. Remember, Karma is a good thing. Be sure everyone gets his or this lifetime. You're helping to bring the scales of justice back into balance and restore order to the universe.

  4. Revenge is excellent self-therapy. It's far cheaper than a therapist and much healthier than pigging out on a box of donuts.

  5. The punishment should always fit the crime. In other words, don't go nuclear over something trivial.

  6. Always aim your revenge where it hurts the most. Go right for the jugular.

  7. Let your creativity blossom. Don't go for cliches like slashing tires. Yawn. Be original. Enjoy yourself. Give your mark an experience they'll never ever forget.

  8. Don't break the law.

  9. If you have to do something you're not proud of, be sure to cover your tracks well.

  10. Have fun. If you can end up laughing at the jerk who wronged you, you're well on your way to being over it.

  11. Once revenge is consummated, move on. It's over.

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