SCP-4255: Santa Claus is a Time Traveler

It's time you learned the truth: Santa Claus is real. Well, Santa exists but he isn't what you think he is.

Maybe you are shaking your head no. You're a parent who has put presents under the Christmas tree signed "From Santa". You bought the gifts, right? Sorry to let you know but that is a false memory. It has to be. Your implanted memory of overpaying for a toy that was sold out on every website helps maintain baseline consensus reality.

That's right folks. Santa is an SCP! "Santa Claus" (a.k.a. Stan Clane) is as human as you and allegedly me. The man delivering presents every year from the human perspective of linear time is a time traveler from the future creating a self-consistent bootstrap paradox. "Santa" jumps from Christmas to Christmas in nonlinear time. He has access to technology giving him temporal anomalous abilities. He can be here in Christmas 2022 and then go to Christmas 1982. That's the simplified version. Actually "Santa Claus" can go back to the same Christmas year hundreds of different times. It's complicated but it allows one individual to split the task of delivering gifts up to be more manageable.

So, yes, if Santa Claus didn't put a bitcoin private key with 50 BTC associated to the public address in your stocking be angry. Santa can easily mine bitcoin on Christmas Eve 2009 using the laptop he gave to your child who was nine years old at the time. As a time traveler Santa Claus had, has, and will have easy access to cheap bitcoin. Santa has no excuse.