I'm Not Using Time Travel to Win Steemit Contests!

There is a nasty rumor starting to go around steemit.com I wish to dispel. I deny emphatically the accusation that I have allegedly been using time travel to win contests on steemit.com.

The lawyer that wrote those first two sentences for me charged $60 and now I am tapped out. What is with that? Are the words "emphatically", "accusation" and "allegedly" $20 words? I guess I'll have to write the rest of this post myself.

I am sure I don't need a lawyer to help me with this post. It's not like I am going to write something that can be twisted into something incriminating.

I guess what started this rumor was the @teutonium "SmartCash Contest!".

Photo Source: steemit.com

That seemed like fun so I replied:

Photo Source: steemit.com

Go big or go home, right? It's not like threatening the very nature of space-time itself is technically a terrorist act. Even if it were the government already monitors my internet activity more than the @badcontent bot monitors people who only post memes.

Anyway, @teutonium responded:

Photo Source: steemit.com

I believe this post from @teutonium makes it perfectly clear @teutonium is a strong supporter of Hawking's chronology protection conjecture. For those type of people I've found it's best to just hand them a graham cracker and pat them on the head.

Photo Source: steemit.com

I thought that was funny. Of course anybody at least average in intelligence would go back in time and mine bitcoins in 2009. What kind of goofknuckle...Oh, wait. Nobody will use that slang term for at least another 15 years. What is the 2018 word for a dumb person?... Kardashian wouldn't do that?

As it turns out I won the @teutonium "SmartCash Contest!".

Photo Source: steemit.com 

Fair enough. I know it seems like I just appeared out of nowhere and have been writing at times questionably weird posts on steemit.com. I've also given @teutonium the benefit of the doubt. I don't believe any of the things the history books claim about @teutonium. Historians can be so cruel.

Of course I wasn't trolling @teutonium. Trolling is when @questionlife posts about whether or not the Devil exists and I comment with the first verse of "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones.

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The people who read my blog know that I am not a time traveling contest cheater. I am more like a 1960s Batman villain reject who commits hologram-themed crimes throughout Gotham. My badness is the family friendly campy sort of badness. What other villain gives Robin the excuse to do "Holy Holographics!" alliteration?

Being a strong supporter of Hawking's chronology protection conjecture @teutonium had to overcompensate by further stating that it was my second comment that won the SmartCash contest.

Photo Source: steemit.com

Just recently I've won the @sparkesy43 "Amazing Bumhole Game" which is the second steemit contest I've won.

Photo Source: steemit.com

 For some reason some people are taking a comment I made last week and trying to make it seem like I had already known a week in advance that @rufruf and I would be close contenders in this contest.

Photo Source: steemit.com

Without question I didn't win because of time travel. I won because I wrote a blog post asking for help to win and good supporters of my blog such as @olymar248 and @opera.shoujo cared enough to help someone they never met. That's what makes most of the steemit community so great. Not the gossipy part that accuses me of time traveling to win steemit contests.

This post is getting pretty long so I am going to start wrapping it up: After the lawyer charged $60 for the first two sentences of this post I used the fresh smell of poverty to weasel my way into an ACLU legal aid clinic. The advice I got was that winning any more steemit contests would just fuel the rumor mill so I should just quit participating in steemit contests while I am ahead, at least for a little while.

I can still hold my own contests like the recent one. I am thinking maybe a Halloween or Christmas contest. I haven't decided yet. It's not like I can just go forward in time and find out which holiday it will be for sure, right?

One more thing. If you are reading this later and wondering what rumors I am referring to; it's not like I went back in time to erase from existence those people spreading rumors about me. Just Google the term "Mandela Effect" and you'll see I am innocent of that as well.

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