How to Legally Become a Time Lord (or Jedi Knight)

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Photo Source: YouTube

First off, I am not a lawyer which means I've made at least a few good life choices. However, every citizen is at least expected to know what the law says (the whole "ignorance of the law is not a defense" thing) so take this post with a grain of salt.

I am going to skip the introductory of what a Time Lord is and assume the reader already knows. If not there are various internet resources concerning the Doctor Who franchise and its lore. There is one important thing to keep in mind: All Time Lords are Gallifreyan but not all Gallifreyans are Time Lords. This post will describe the process of becoming a Time Lord in name. Biohacking to alter yourself to have two hearts and cellular regeneration upon physical death can be covered in a future post. A post concerning the legal issues with immigration to Gallifrey would be best published under political conditions different from what currently exists.

The ability to legally become a Time Lord is something of a hack. Under the First Amendment in the U.S. Constitution are five rights. One of those is freedom of religious belief. The catch is it's really difficult to legally define exactly what a religion is so generally a wide berth is given to religions that are created. For the most part as long as the church isn't doing questionably immoral or illegal things the government might keep an eye on the church but not take direct action.

One affect of this religious freedom is the cliche of becoming an ordained minister through the internet. Yes, that's a real thing.



One of the online churches that will ordain nearly anybody with fiat currency is the Universal Life Church. On the website one can click on the "About Us" button, click the "Church Supplies" tab and click on "Titles & Degrees". Now, if you want to be certified as a Jedi Knight or Master of Wicca (I guess both use "The Force") one can stop here and place the order. However, becoming a Time Lord requires one additional step. Clicking on "Honorary Religious Title" brings up a page where one can scroll down a long list of religious titles. Time Lord is just one of those many titles. If you are orthodox Gallifreyan and wish to abide by the Legacy of Rassilon then an alternative title such as Lord of Time or Doctor of Space & Time can be selected.

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Photo Source: https://www.themonastery.org

But what exactly does that mean? According to the product description:

SPECIAL NOTICE: The Church NOW has the LARGE and BEAUTIFUL BESTOWAL OF TITLE CERTIFICATES.
The ULC grants honorary religious titles upon request. The ULC has no hierarchical structure, however titles of position and authority are available for the independent new churches and ministries. You will receive a certificate with this title awarded to you by the church.
Every title is handwritten by our church's scribe, the Seattle-based Founder of Calligraphy Society, and will take a week or so longer than the rest of our products to ship to you as a result. It is a beautiful document perfect for hanging or framing.

If you have also bought extraterrestrial real estate from the Lunar Embassy you can hang your Honorary Title right next to your deed to martian or moon land. After all, you need somewhere to park your future TARDIS. Or is it your past TARDIS? I get those confused sometimes.

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Photo Source: http://lunarembassy.com

Now you know how to legally become a Time Lord in name. Or a Jedi Knight. Why not both? Under U.S. law a person can virtually be whatever they want to be as long as they have the money to back it up.

Blessed be everyone!

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Photo Source: https://www.themonastery.org