Holograms Kill 15 People Every Year

I've been busy with other things lately but in November I am going to try to make more time in my schedule to write some really great blog posts that have been in my head for awhile. The kind of blog posts that deal with the issues hardly anybody else discusses.

Issues such as how holograms can be deadly.

There is this claim that falling coconuts kill more people than sharks every year. Sources for the claim put the number of deaths from falling coconuts at 150 per year. The website snopes.com categorizes this claim as unproven since, "... accurate, published estimates on the global annual rate of death from falling coconut do not yet exist. ...". The Wikipedia entry for "death by coconut"  goes into more detail about the claim and documented occurrences.

Today, I am going to make my own claim:


Image Source: South Park episode "#HappyHolograms"

This is my claim that holograms are safer than coconuts and sharks; but can kill if holograms aren't treated with the respect they deserve. I don't have any proof my claim is absolutely true but like the falling coconut claim I can't disprove the claim either. Of course, the claim that holograms kill fifteen people every year is a claim of statistical average. Five people can be killed by holograms one year while in another year death by hologram may claim twenty one souls. As long as the mean average is fifteen deaths by hologram each year my claim holds true.

Allow me to break this claim down:

What this claim doesn't count: September 11, 2001 is not an outlier for the statistical claim that holograms kill fifteen people every year. Anybody who tells you that the airplanes seen on TV hitting the buildings were holograms are absolutely wrong. Those airplanes looked like airplanes because they were airplanes.

Also, Nikola Tesla's technology was not involved in the 9/11 attacks so scalar interferometry didn't kill anybody either.

What this claim does count: If a conspiracy theory involves holophonic sound it does count. Sound, just like light, can travel in waves and create interference patterns. Therefore, if a holophonic sound encouraged three thousand people to commit suicide like Disney pushing lemmings off a cliff in order to make a nature documentary then it does count.

Since a lot of people tend to count lenticular and volumetric images as "holograms" my statistical death claim acquiesces to the popular misconception and counts those also as "holograms".

When Holograms Attack!

1991 was a simpler time. The Star Trek franchise had survived The Wrath of Khan but had not yet experienced the wrath of J. J. Abrams. The ABC network supported Roseanne Barr every time she made a stupid public comment while on the NBC network there was a place where everybody knew your name without going through your internet metadata.

The tenth season of Cheers had an episode titled "Bar Wars V: the Final Judgement". The premise of the episode is that the cast of characters want to pull a Halloween prank on another character named Gary (Robert Desiderio) who owns a competing bar. While trying to come up with a prank Gary comes into the bar asking that the prank war between the two bars stop because Gary's doctor told him he has abnormally high blood pressure. After Gary leaves Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) suggests using a hologram to scare Gary as the prank. Since making a series of bad life choices is traditionally what makes someone a regular at a bar the main characters decide that making someone who claims to have dangerously high blood pressure scared would be a great idea.

Image Source: Cheers episode "Bar Wars V: the Final Judgement"

The character Gary is later found in his bar apparently having had a heart attack after seeing a disembodied head floating in mid-air. If not death by hologram this should at least be legal manslaughter. Clearly though something like this would be death by hologram.

Death by hologram can also occur when holograms are weaponized by people. Not by me of course. Hardly any of my hologram-themed crimes in Gotham City involve weaponizing holograms. There are bad guys though that don't aspire to be a supervillain reject with a unique take on morality. Those bad guys just use holograms as a means to an end.

Image Source: orlandosentinel.com

A February 07, 2014 news report from the Orlando Sentinel describes a case in which a Martin County sheriff's deputy investigated a report of intruders abducting a woman after having used hologram technology capable of mind controlling victims.

Near the end of the news report the article implies that maybe the woman was drunk and maybe it could be inferred the man making the police report was high from methamphetamine and the whole thing happened at a trailer park but you get my point.

Nobody really knows for sure what happened at that trailer park. The news report states that the wife backed up the man's story. Maybe there are criminals with hologram technology preying on trailer park residents. If you get in their way you get killed and this news report is an account of victims who survived the ordeal and were brave enough to speak out.

Maybe the truth is simply that someone with a lot of knowledge about holograms secretly designed an advanced hologram projector and is literally targeting trailer parks with terrifying images because nobody would ever believe the victims.

By the way, what would be the statute of limitations for such hologram terrorism activity? I am asking for a friend.