Cannibal Candy Crush

Quick question: If you are a cannibal and you want candy which kind best suits your flesh eating lifestyle?

We can infer the answer from the movie Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971). A cannibal wants Everlasting Gobstoppers.

Note that I am referring to the fictional candy from the Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder) movie and not the real life Breaker Confections creation. I am sure the real life version is perfectly fine. I don't know what it's like personally because I've never tried the real version of the candy for...reasons.

There is a fan theory that Wonka is a cannibal and the fan theory uses movie clips as proof. My theory is that only one specific candy the factory has production plans for is based on human flesh and science rather than movie clips proves it.

Here is what we know as viewers about fictional Everlasting Gobstoppers:

  • Willy Wonka explained that they were "for children with very little pocket money".
  • A person can theoretically suck on an Everlasting Gobstopper and it would never get any smaller.

Candy is the ideal planned obsolescence Apple can only allegedly dream of. Once the flavor is gone more candy has to be bought. If Wonka intends to introduce a candy that never gets any smaller as it is sucked on (and presumably never loses its flavor) then that would mean less candy is bought. Wonka can claim Everlasting Gobstoppers are intended for poor children but it is foreseeable that anybody can and would take advantage of such candy.

But "never getting smaller" can't happen with regular candy. In order to taste the candy molecules from the candy have to interact with taste receptors. That means candy being tasted loses molecules a.k.a. "mass" in science lingo. However, what Wonka says in the 1971 film doesn't exclude the possibility the candy could get bigger. That would mean more molecules get replaced as they are being lost.

Could Everlasting Gobstoppers use nanotechnology decades ahead of its time? That could happen. All you need is one successful self-replicating molecule to make others. Chemistry doesn't care if the molecule was created on purpose or by accident. Many times in science something has been discovered that was totally different than what was being looked for.

One day while conducting research in the Wonka chocolate factory a new type of carbohydrate molecule might have been created. Like DNA it could replicate. The newly created molecule just needs the elements in carbohydrates to replicate itself: carbon, hydrogen and oxygen. But where would those atoms come from while the candy is being sucked?

The obvious answer would be saliva. I don't think that's the source for the replication material though. I think what is going on is that Everlasting Gobstoppers are like magnets that lightly attract cheek cells. Cheek cells are constantly being replaced and would provide an abundant supply of material for self-replicating Everlasting Gobstopper molecules.

Here's where we get to the issue: It can be anticipated that the whole world would want Everlasting Gobstoppers. According to the world population in 1971 was 3,775,790,900. Let's round down the demand for Everlasting Gobstoppers to 3,000,000,000. If Everlasting Gobstoppers need cells to replicate and make more of themselves then where do you get the cells to meet the world's demand for Everlasting Gobstoppers?

Eleven entered the Wonka factory. Only three left in a glass elevator. I am just saying in order for Everlasting Gobstoppers to work you need the scientific equivalent of reverse transubstantiation. When religious things get reversed in movies they tend to be demonic in nature.

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